Just When You Thought You Were Done

So, a few days ago I was visiting a lot of graduation receptions and eating way too much food. As I was sitting enjoying my 4th reception, I heard a comment from another graduation party in the next room. I think this comment came from the graduates mother and then was echoed by the graduates father. The comment was this "well, we are finally done." This was there last child out of the house and now they were looking forward to a quiet house and all the free time they could stand. I know parents often say this comment at graduation time in a joking manner, but I think there is a little truth that is running through this statement. The truth is, the graduate now is leaving the safety of the fail zone at home and going out into the world and no one can choose the path to take but the graduate. However, the error in this statement is that the graduate needs direction now more than ever.

The misconception is that influence stops at graduation, and that is simply not the case. A parents influence good or bad carry throughout life. Parents need to realize that the friendship relationship they so desperately want from their kids growing up is not attainable at childhood. Kids need parents. Communication is a must with your kids, but the whole friendship relationship is the result of good parenting after graduation and into adulthood. This is where society and parents of many teens have gotten slightly skewed in their craft as parents.

If I treat my children like friends instead of sons and daughters and do not teach them respect for parents as adults and as role models, haven't I then lost what we are seeking. Children who are respectful to their parents because of the example set by the parents tend to be adults who respect each other and value others opinions. They also are more likely to keep the relationship close with their parents. It is not an enabling relationship it is a loving relationship. As the student matures, they see the value of hard choices the parents made that they once ridiculed and maybe even rebelled against.

All you need to do is to look at television to see the message teens and kids as well are getting. The message is I am always right, my parents are dumb, my parents should be my friends and be cool rather than parent and keep me from things that will hurt me, and last but not least I don't need my parents to make it. I will do it myself. This is a very sad state of affairs, but you can see the decay happening. Watch interactions with parents and children. Then ask yourself this question. What motivated this child to obey or disobey the request or command? Then ask, was respect shown or merely facaded to get what they wanted therefore manipulating the parent? Lastly, question the parents approach was is fear me or I will beat you into submission?, fear me because I said so?, Listen to me because I told you to?, listen to me because I have taught you?

Any one of the answers to the questions above could spark a blog controversy and if that happens so be it, but the point is if parents actually be the example and rather than just give the stock answers of don't do that because I said so, and actually took the time to teach and invest and realize the influence that they indeed do have over the life of the student, then we would see a rise in student and parent relationships that are healthy and not dysfunctional. Graduation is just the beginning. Open communication lines and understanding will always lead to something bigger than we could imagine. I am almost 35 years old and I have been married for 10 years. I just over the past 8 or so years really knew who my mom was. It took a crisis and a time of great stress in my life to open my eyes to the information my mom possessed that could help me in the midst of my problem.

I now would call the relationship with my parents something that I can be proud of. I value their sacrifice for me and respect them for the position God has given them in my life as a parent. So sorry to say to the grad reception in the next room, your time is not done it is just beginning.